3 things with the English language that annoy/confuse me

Ok, I know there is a risk of sounding a bit too negative here. But I promise I am not. It's just that as my flat is still an igloo averaging about 12.6 degrees Celsius and I've got sick for the second time in a month (I suspect those two things might be connected), I am not in the best of moods and I thought it would be suitable to do a "things that annoy me" kinda list then. It’s not like you would want to do that when you’re all happy anyway. I promise I'll compile a "wonderful things that make this life a sweet adventure" - list some time in the future (when it's got a bit warmer).

So yeah, here goes, 3 things with the English language (though some of them have more to do with the English-speaking culture than the actual language) that annoy or confuse me:


1. "Would you mind if I.....?

Despite having an adequate knowledge of the English language, I still have to stop and think for a few seconds before answering a question phrased in this way.... What are you supposed to answer again?? Oh yes, you're supposed to say "no", as saying "yes" means you would mind, which means you don't want them to do whatever it is they're asking about (which you obviously can't say as you're supposed to be polite all the time).

But why make it so complicated? Why not just ask "can I open the window/do you want me to open the window" instead "would you mind if I opened the window”? That would be fool-proof for the non-natives!

This was my first result when googling "open window". No, it's not what it looks like where I am.

 

2.  “You guys”.

Ok, this is a special one. It doesn’t mean that I dislike everyone who says “you guys”. Since everyone, I mean exactly every single person, native speaker or not, who has any kind of knowledge of the English language says this regularly. And it is quite hard to explain why it annoys me so much. It might partly be that it implies that everyone addressed is male, but there’s also something else. It creates some sort of “hierarchy” between the person who says it and the people they’re addressing. Like “I am awesome whereas you are just the guys”.

Ok, maybe this only exists in my mind. I have a feeling that’s the case. Or does anyone in any way understand what I mean??

The frequency of this expression is probably to do with the fact that the English language lacks a separate second person plural pronoun. I wish there was one. They’re great, you know.

It's clearly guy number 3 from the left that's going "you guys" here.

 3.  People asking “how are you?” and then running away.

You know the feeling. You’re rushing through the street, see someone you vaguely know, they say “Hi, how are you”, and you’re like “Hi, I’m fine, how are…..” Ooops. They’re already out of sight. Don’t ask “how are you” if you don’t have time to stop and talk!!!

It’s a bit like way back in 2009 when I lived in halls and one of my flatmates always greated me with “alright?” Ehmmm, what are you supposed to answer to that?? “Yes, I’m alright… I guess” ? Too much to handle for someone coming straight out of the deep Finnish forests where you don’t talk like that. Or talk at all. Long live the neutral, straight-forward, Swedish “hej”! It can never go wrong.

But despite my inability to “talk British” (which I am sure has caused misunderstandings on more than one occasion) I have definitely been influenced by it. This was prevalent a couple of years ago when I was at a café in my hometown and said “can I have a cup of tea, please?” (in Swedish). The person behind the counter stared at me and looked like she didn’t understand what I meant! I had to observe the next customer to see what I did wrong. Oh, you’re just supposed to say “tea”.

Conclusion: it's a hard life being stuck between two cultures. You’re not behaving normally in any of them!